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This is EXACTLY what my math teacher said today.
robolee:now for this question you just mod(math talk)
mod this one...
mod that one..
every goddamn one just mod.


and he said it with the MOST deadpan look ever. Expressionless. Like a robot. Thus the name robolee.
oh and also, he always teaches us with his eyes being blocked by the visualizer thing cos he uses it to teach us.
that makes him even more robo.

i got news about my staus.
and i feel like a lost sheep/cow/dog.
all i can do now is hope for the better. Which in this case is the worst. Haha
so iapos;m hoping for the worst to happen. Cos thats as good as its gonna get. Right.

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Well, I hope you havenapos;t been trying to call (or text) me. My cellular telephone is kaput at the moment... But all should be well again within a handful of days.

I swear I havenapos;t dropped off the face of the earth... I just havenapos;t been feeling overtly social lately. I havenapos;t felt the desire to blog or IM or talk on the phone or anything. Yesterday I managed a couple of facebook messages to folks... And I feel okay with that.

Iapos;ve been toying with the idea of moving back to GA. Itapos;s not that I miss the place or the people incredibly... Itapos;s just that Iapos;m not accomplishing anything with my life... And frankly, living in GA would be a lot cheaper... And I can accomplish nothing with my life just as easily there. I dunno... Maybe Iapos;ve just been a little down-trodden due to some financial difficulties. Either way... I wonapos;t be doing anything till my lease is up next summer. So weapos;ll see what goes down between now and then.

On a somewhat brighter note... For the first time ever, Iapos;ve created an anime playlist on my iPhone. Itapos;s got some beautiful music from Cowboy Bebop, Bleach, Serial Experiments Lain, DeathNote, and various others. I dunno why, but itapos;s made me rather happy... Hmmm, what to add next...

Iapos;m currently reading Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill (Stephen Kingapos;s son for those who didnapos;t know). So far itapos;s good... Iapos;m enjoying it.

Iapos;m also about halfway through the final season of Twin Peaks which Iapos;ve fallen in love with.

Fun times.

If anyone wants to help me win some of the McDonaldapos;s Monopoly prizes, Iapos;ll split apos;em with ya. For real. I need money.

This weekend is the Crystal Castles show. A month ago I was somehow sure that Iapos;d be able to see them... Now itapos;s practically impossible. Iapos;m still gonna try to make it happen... Weapos;ll see...

Iapos;ve been writing more lately, which is good. Iapos;ve got a couple of "in progress" short stories as well as a bunch of lyrics that Iapos;ve been playing with. Even though I put my music aside to focus on other things, part of me is really wanting to pick it back up again...

Itapos;s that time of the show where we take a little survey. No, seriously... Whatapos;s the best horror movie youapos;ve ever seen? I need something fun and scary to watch... ANDY DEMANDS RESPONSES ROAR

Well, thatapos;s all Iapos;ve got. Goodnight boys and girls... And boys.

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Fucking ridiculous.

well yesterday i woke up. Went to the eye doctor. My prescriptions all off...hence the reason i couldnapos;t see. Got new contacts. Got new glass...i dont like them as much as my old ones but they are pretty cute. Then to menards. Got a halloween blow up. Its two ghost and frankenstein see-saw...it actually moves...its tight.

came home. Decorated. Put my grave yard out. A bit more lights. I think im finished now...it looks damn good...i shall post a picture someday..maybe.

then watched DontMessWithZohan with mom. Pretty funny. Then got ready. Then met megs diddy reiman joshua alan and maymays up at playmakers. Dollar everything. Shots...i hate shots. Then back to the boys. Obama vs mccain...lance and nic had masks...funny funny. Kaileigh came over...she is leaving me. Then kerri came over. So did vsac.

me sac kerri mays and alan went to a bonfire. Good times. Saw a lot of random people i didnt think i would see. Had some fun. Jello shots...fucking kristi was trying to kill me via alcohol poisoning. I dont remember leaving, the ride home, or going to bed.

woke up on the boys couch with the a pretty horrendous hang over. Was throwing up until about 3. Finally started to feel better.

hospital at 5. Joyce came and visited. Pretty slow night tho. Whatever...three more days.

now im going to watch Atonement. Go to bed. And tomorrow i had a day off. Woot

p.s.- i was so dehydrated today i was 4 lbs lighter then i was yesterday. Thats fucking ridiculous.

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Dreamt that Elfey I were friends again. We were being placed side by side at this black tie dinner and we both turned at the same time to see who the other was sitting next to. I smiled first then she smiled back and the rest was history. In between talking, she didnapos;t fail to remind me that I forgot her birthday. Talk about losing your marbles Nicole. So Happy Belated Birthday Elfey. Sorry I forgot. Yes world, I am openly admitting that my best friend came to me in a dream to tell me that I forgot her birthday. Very virgin Mary if I do say so myself.�

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I think Iapos;m going to have a bit of a freak out about money. Big time. And I may say some things Iapos;d regret. So Iapos;m going to say them to the dog. And not have a panic. Really Iapos;m not. I will probably find the urge to cry though. Or assualt a cushion.

Beng pissed off at landing in this life stage in this situation does not appear to change the very inconvenient factor of it still being true. And that history really makes some odd things true. I shall henceforth be further militant to apos;never a borrower nor a lender beapos;. I was an extensive borrower for a period of time but now dont seem to have the same consideration returned when the situation is reversed. Its frustrating as hell. But a worthy lesson.

In the mean time, it really sucks. And as tesco reminds us, its all about the little things.

Ebee
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Minato, did you still want me to come over? It probably wonapos;t matter if you canapos;t sleep, or if anyone came at all. Youapos;re just lonely.

I heard that more people are gone now. They went home. Is that good? They wonapos;t remember us or this city anyway.

Haine, thank you for bringing me the sewing kit. But itapos;s useless. If I try to mend this blazer, then I will end up pricking one of my fingers like always.
No talent. I should probably just let someone else do it for me.



Huh. Something is different. I wonder what it is.

I should try to find something else to do.

[The transmission clicks off.]
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Iapos;m breaking down again, big surprise there. Wish I didnapos;t have to do it at work where I have to close my door and hide my sobs, but then again Iapos;d do the same thing at home so it doesnapos;t matter.

Besides the soul crushing loneliness and the fact that if Iapos;m horny my body goes into panic inflammation mode and pumps as much pain into me as it can- I find that I just canapos;t deal with this stoically. Or at all really, because of the synthetic hormones.

The hormones I have to be on or the disease gets worse.

The hormones I have to be on because any of the ones that wonapos;t fuck with my mood wonapos;t do a damn thing for the endometriosis.

So I canapos;t go off them and I canapos;t switch. I feel stuck and crazy and like Iapos;m about to shove this letter opener into something. Anything.

I feel like if I could just get off the hormones I wouldnapos;t be depressed and I can be normal and maybe even happy again. But I canapos;t. So Iapos;m stuck.

I apparently have the complete inability to "think happy thoughts" and switch my mood like that, at the snap of my fingers There must be something wrong with me Iapos;m wallowing in my misery

I think I remember now why I slammed my head into the floor that one time- it was the only thing I could do to shut my brain up.

Iapos;m walking. I donapos;t care that itapos;s 50 and my bodyapos;s going to kill me for it later- Iapos;m walking.
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Today started off with me feeling all over the place, something which has been sneaking up on me over the past few days. I feel very mixed emotions and thoughts in regards to my life right now. Iapos;m excited by my goals, and want to work to make things better, but Iapos;m also feeling myself dragging in the past (which is not a helpful mindset), and having a hard time associating the work I need to do right now with the rewards that come down the line. I get really energized at one moment, and really tired and demotivated shortly after. Sometimes I stay aware of the fact that I will be moving my yearapos;s end, and use that as my base line for actions, whereas sometimes Iapos;m acting like I can afford to have a full roomapos;s worth of items and files.

I went out to buy milk today, and on that vigorous walk, a lot of my head cleared. Iapos;m really going to take a sharper approach in all of this, because I think what I need to do is clear my slate as much as possible. That will make any move easier, but I also think it gives me a breath of fresh air. If I do go overboard and clear too much, then Iapos;ll live with that, because I think the benefits outweigh the consequences.

Iapos;m changing my mindset as quickly as possible, but itapos;s very hard. Still though- I must do this, there is no alternative.
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So, I found out last night that although I do my best to respect my co-workers and help them out, when I ask them to help me with something, they arenapos;t willing to do it. As a result, I had to listen to my supervisor tell me how I have to earn respect, and that I canapos;t just expect people to respect me. I figured that by being a good person and helping people when they need it, that earned respect. Evidently not. So, fuck it. Starting today, theyapos;re going to see a different me, and weapos;ll see how that goes. If things change, awesome. If not, who cares? Iapos;m moving to Best Buy Mobile. My supervisorapos;s already said heapos;ll back me, and the GM has said that he thinks Iapos;d do well transferring there, so thatapos;s what Iapos;m doing.

Meanwhile, Iapos;m about to call Nissan about this Altima recall. Thanks for the heads up, Jason.

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